Cara Bowen
choosing love

Pain radiated throughout my veins. A current so sharp, I couldn’t feel it anymore. Numb. As if my body has undergone anesthesia. I was walking away from the deepest desire my heart had ached for. The dream of walking down the aisle to a man I chose to love and who chose to love me. The dream of having a teammate in this thing called life, someone to adventure with and go out into the world with all for the name of Jesus .

Then, a collision of my worst-case scenarios happened. It all happened about as fast as it took for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me. 

choosing love
Cara Bowen
we're fighting for something

Everything had ended. Each time my glove met the sand filled bag, I remembered everything had ended. I could hear the accusations all over again in my mind.

“You didn’t fight hard enough for us.”

“You fought, but it ended. It wasn't good enough."

"You gave up and walked away from it all.”

My mind shut off.

we're fighting for something
Cara Bowen
be gentle with yourself

I sat in my driveway with the phone on speaker, needing my hands to dry my cheeks. I think she could tell the tears streaming down my face were drowning my words, making it difficult for me to speak. But she had hit the nail on the head. This woman had been in my life for years and she knew me well. She is gifted in discernment and kind in practice. She authoritatively said to me:

“Be gentle with yourself.”

That’s when the dam of tears broke, there had already been a stream of salty drops, but the dam broke.

be gentle with yourself

hope

the beautiful interchange

the beautiful interchange

Some things are meant to be buried, to break and remain broken. Jesus has broken the power of sin, our shame has been laid to rest, our chains from our places long devastated are now free. Those things will not be undone. But what about the things we lay in bed at night wondering if there is any hope of life still beating in them? The dream we try to suppress because the fear of failure is too loud, the friendship/relationship that once was, then broke and is now seemingly portrayed as silent strangers, the hope of freedom out of a tedious cycle we can’t seem to step out of long enough to fully live in the freedom Jesus has fought for us…

choosing love

choosing love

Pain radiated throughout my veins. A current so sharp, I couldn’t feel it anymore. Numb. As if my body has undergone anesthesia. I was walking away from the deepest desire my heart had ached for. The dream of walking down the aisle to a man I chose to love and who chose to love me. The dream of having a teammate in this thing called life, someone to adventure with and go out into the world with all for the name of Jesus .

Then, a collision of my worst-case scenarios happened. It all happened about as fast as it took for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me. 

hurting with hope

hurting with hope

I couldn’t take my eyes off of the crystal clear water. The way it glistened back at me, in some ways, I felt seen. I felt understood. The sunlight bounced off the white foamed waves and warmed my soul. It reflected pieces of me that have been burned like wood and ember. Wounded by words and weapons aiming to crush and destroy. But they haven’t.

The Mexican water seemed to understand the depth of my pain. Like it did see me, like it was saying, “me too” with each sway and crash onto the coarse rock below. The resilience of the emerald movements moved my heart in hope.

nothing but nothingness

nothing but nothingness

I can’t believe it’s over. After all this time of planning. Mountain highs and valley lows. It was everything I had hoped for and more. Beauty surrounded me at every turn, wonder restored at every outlook, and love experienced with each deep breath.

My heart ached as I walked down the corridor. Memories flashing through my mind like reels from a movie, words replayed like a favorite song on repeat, longing to go back to moments memories just can’t do justice. Sometimes none of it seems real. You wonder if it actually happened the way your memories remember.

fighting for spring

fighting for spring

"What about the ones whose souls aren’t in a season of spring?"

I couldn’t help but ask the question as March 20 rolled around, the first day of spring. Spring inevitably ignites emotions of new life, hew hope, new beginnings. And why wouldn’t it? It is a beautiful season where color is brought back onto the canvas of nature, sun filled days last longer and warmth begins to move through the air with just enough of the winter’s crisp air lingering. But this year, as spring came, I couldn’t help but to think about everyone who is fighting for hope in a new beginning.

lately on the gram…

View fullsize the road may seem long, but it is leading you to something more. #keephoping #keepgoing
View fullsize One of the largest north faces in the Alps sits in the background of this tiny Swiss mountain town, Grindelwald. Whenever I travel to towns like this, sitting amidst breathtaking beauty & notable summits, I can't help but wonder: do the townspeop
View fullsize rooftops & cityscapes. looking forward & looking back to this picture @garrett_lobaugh took that makes me look like I chopped off my hair #butiwouldnever #tbt
View fullsize She once believed she was meant for bondage, but now she sees she was made for freedom. ✨
View fullsize Not only was 8.10 the greatest dance party of 2019, but it was the day I was honored to stand by @kaylaeiford’s side & watch another story written by God unfold, as she married @hayes_eiford ... it‘s easy to celebrate you two! Any day
View fullsize my family came to my side of the south for my cousin’s wedding. I broke out of my neutral color scheme for it. it was a wild weekend 🕺🏼👨‍👩‍👧🧡💁🏼‍♀️ • • • #thegirls #nephew #sibs #fatherdaughter #family #familyl

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