February 1, 2018

Cara Bowen

Pain radiated throughout my veins. A current so sharp, I couldn’t feel it anymore. Numb. As if my body has undergone anesthesia. I was walking away from the deepest desire my heart had ached for. The dream of walking down the aisle to a man I chose to love and who chose to love me. The dream of having a teammate in this thing called life, someone to adventure with and go out into the world with all for the name of Jesus .

Then, a collision of my worst-case scenarios happened. It all happened about as fast as it took for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me.

November 17, 2016

Cara Bowen

we're fighting for something

Everything had ended. Each time my glove met the sand filled bag, I remembered everything had ended. I could hear the accusations all over again in my mind.

“You didn’t fight hard enough for us.”

“You fought, but it ended. It wasn't good enough."

"You gave up and walked away from it all.”

My mind shut off.

July 20, 2016

Cara Bowen

be gentle with yourself

I sat in my driveway with the phone on speaker, needing my hands to dry my cheeks. I think she could tell the tears streaming down my face were drowning my words, making it difficult for me to speak. But she had hit the nail on the head. This woman had been in my life for years and she knew me well. She is gifted in discernment and kind in practice. She authoritatively said to me:

“Be gentle with yourself.”

That’s when the dam of tears broke, there had already been a stream of salty drops, but the dam broke.

new beginnings

Cara Bowen

June 1, 2016

nothing but nothingness

Cara Bowen

June 1, 2016

I can’t believe it’s over. After all this time of planning. Mountain highs and valley lows. It was everything I had hoped for and more. Beauty surrounded me at every turn, wonder restored at every outlook, and love experienced with each deep breath.

My heart ached as I walked down the corridor. Memories flashing through my mind like reels from a movie, words replayed like a favorite song on repeat, longing to go back to moments memories just can’t do justice. Sometimes none of it seems real. You wonder if it actually happened the way your memories remember.

Cara Bowen

March 30, 2016

fighting for spring

Cara Bowen

March 30, 2016

"What about the ones whose souls aren’t in a season of spring?"

I couldn’t help but ask the question as March 20 rolled around, the first day of spring. Spring inevitably ignites emotions of new life, hew hope, new beginnings. And why wouldn’t it? It is a beautiful season where color is brought back onto the canvas of nature, sun filled days last longer and warmth begins to move through the air with just enough of the winter’s crisp air lingering. But this year, as spring came, I couldn’t help but to think about everyone who is fighting for hope in a new beginning.

nothing but nothingness

fighting for spring

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