February 1, 2018

Cara Bowen

Pain radiated throughout my veins. A current so sharp, I couldn’t feel it anymore. Numb. As if my body has undergone anesthesia. I was walking away from the deepest desire my heart had ached for. The dream of walking down the aisle to a man I chose to love and who chose to love me. The dream of having a teammate in this thing called life, someone to adventure with and go out into the world with all for the name of Jesus .

Then, a collision of my worst-case scenarios happened. It all happened about as fast as it took for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me.

November 17, 2016

Cara Bowen

we're fighting for something

Everything had ended. Each time my glove met the sand filled bag, I remembered everything had ended. I could hear the accusations all over again in my mind.

“You didn’t fight hard enough for us.”

“You fought, but it ended. It wasn't good enough."

"You gave up and walked away from it all.”

My mind shut off.

July 20, 2016

Cara Bowen

be gentle with yourself

I sat in my driveway with the phone on speaker, needing my hands to dry my cheeks. I think she could tell the tears streaming down my face were drowning my words, making it difficult for me to speak. But she had hit the nail on the head. This woman had been in my life for years and she knew me well. She is gifted in discernment and kind in practice. She authoritatively said to me:

“Be gentle with yourself.”

That’s when the dam of tears broke, there had already been a stream of salty drops, but the dam broke.

looking back

Cara Bowen

September 15, 2016

what do you regret

Cara Bowen

September 15, 2016

“Is there anything you regret? Anything I should know about ahead of time, so, maybe I can avoid the regret?”

This question was harder to answer. I sat across from her and then my eyes opened. I woke from the dreamlike state and stared at the ceiling. Remembering the dream I had- telling my younger self what to expect in the next 10 years. Answering her first question, "Are You Married Yet?"

How would I answer this question to my younger self walking into her 20’s? I wondered if I did regret anything.

what do you regret

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